Boundaries, Battles, and Breakthroughs: Lessons in Parenting and Leadership

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Recently, a good friend faced a situation with her preteen and teenage daughters that tested boundaries—and her patience. What began as a disagreement over social media apps quickly turned into a saga of defiance and consequences, highlighting the delicate art of teaching accountability.

It all started with those tiny icons that somehow hold an entire universe of teenage drama. Despite having clear family rules about which apps were allowed, both daughters decided to push the limits.

Her preteen was the first to get caught, but thankfully, she was the easier one to handle. She grudgingly accepted her consequence: deleting the unapproved apps and losing her phone privileges for the rest of the month. Was she happy about it? Absolutely not. But she owned her actions, took the consequence, and moved on.

The teenager, however, was a completely different story. To her, the rules were absurd. "All teens have social media," she argued. "None of my friends’ parents check their phones!" She rolled her eyes, stomped her feet, and fought her parents at every turn. It became clear that a typical punishment wasn’t going to make an impact this time.

So, my friend and her husband got creative. Her consequence? Two 5,000-word essays: one on the impact of social media on teens and another on why lying to your parents is never a good idea. To top it off, she was barred from extracurricular activities until the essays were completed—a particularly tough blow with a big sports tournament less than 48 hours away.

If you think this brought about immediate compliance, think again. The essays led to a long, drawn-out battle—full of frustration, stubbornness, and moments that tested everyone’s patience. But they stood firm, knowing this wasn’t just about social media. It was about trust, responsibility, and respecting boundaries.

Reflecting on the experience, I realized how much this mirrors what leaders face in early childhood programs. Holding staff accountable—just like parenting—requires setting clear expectations, monitoring compliance, and following through when those expectations aren’t met.

Monitoring and Accountability: The Leadership Version

Just like parenting, leading a team of early childhood educators means setting expectations, monitoring compliance, and implementing fair consequences. And yes, it can be just as unpopular as grounding a teenager.

There’s always the staff member who resists new policies or the one who bends the rules because “it doesn’t make sense” to them. (That used to be me—I thought half the rules were unnecessary!) Maybe it’s the teacher who skips the daily cleaning checklist or the one who refuses to follow the lesson plan format everyone else is using. These behaviors might seem minor, but left unchecked, they send a message: accountability isn’t required here.

Here’s the thing: if you let these behaviors slide, they spread. One staff member disregarding policies inspires others to do the same. But by addressing issues with consistent consequences, you reinforce the culture of accountability that protects your program’s integrity.

Reflective Supervision: Balancing Support and Accountability

With my friend’s family, the essays weren’t just about punishment—they were about reflection. They wanted their teenager to pause, think about her actions, and understand the bigger picture. As leaders, reflective supervision offers a similar opportunity.

Reflective supervision isn’t about catching mistakes or assigning blame. It’s about creating a space where staff can evaluate their performance, understand the impact of their actions, and make meaningful changes. When a teacher struggles to follow a policy, consider asking them:

  • Why do you think this policy is in place?

  • What challenges are you facing in implementing it?

  • How can we work together to overcome those challenges?

By fostering this kind of dialogue, leaders build trust, encourage growth, and still hold staff accountable—without the need for 5,000-word essays (or the inevitable eye-rolls).

Implementing Consequences: The Key to Growth

Consequences aren’t fun to dish out, whether you’re grounding a teenager or addressing a staff member’s poor performance. But they’re necessary. Without them, rules lose their weight, boundaries blur, and your program’s integrity begins to erode.

For early childhood leaders, consequences shouldn’t only be about correcting behavior—they should be an opportunity for growth. When handled thoughtfully, they can reinforce accountability while helping staff develop new skills. Here’s what you should keep in mind about consequences:

1. Make Them Fair
Consequences should fit the “offense” and be proportional to the behavior. Fair consequences are not about punishing staff but about reinforcing the importance of program policies and professional standards.

For instance:

  • If a teacher skips documenting observations, a fair consequence might involve redoing the paperwork during their personal time or outside of regular planning hours.

  • If a teacher repeatedly misses lesson plan deadlines, they could be asked to present their plans to the director for approval before implementation, adding an extra layer of accountability.

Fair consequences ensure respect for the process and motivate staff to correct their behavior without fostering resentment.

2. Keep Them Relevant
Consequences should align with the program’s goals and reflect the behavior you want to address.

For example:

  • If a teacher is consistently late, have them brainstorm time management strategies during a reflective supervision meeting.

  • If a staff member forgets to sanitize toys at the end of the day, assign them to lead the next health and safety training.

Relevant consequences connect the dots between actions and outcomes, making them more impactful.

3. Focus on Growth
Consequences should provide an opportunity for learning and development.

For instance:

  • Pair a teacher struggling with curriculum execution with a mentor who can model lesson planning and classroom strategies.

  • If a teacher struggles with behavior management, have them observe a peer who excels in that area and follow up with a coaching session to reflect on what they learned and plan next steps for improvement.

Framing consequences as a pathway to improvement fosters a supportive culture where staff feel encouraged to grow rather than fearful of making mistakes.

4. Be Consistent
Inconsistent enforcement of consequences undermines your leadership and confuses staff. Ensure all team members are held to the same standards, regardless of tenure or relationships.

One strategy is to document patterns of behavior and the corresponding consequences to maintain fairness and clarity across your team. Consistency builds trust and reinforces that accountability is a shared value.

5. Follow Through with Support
Consequences should never be the end of the conversation. After addressing the behavior, you should provide tools and support to prevent recurrence.

For example:

  • Offer one-on-one coaching to help staff struggling with time management create a plan.

  • Provide training in organizational strategies for staff feeling overwhelmed by deadlines.

Following through shows your commitment to growth and reinforces that consequences are part of a larger effort to build a stronger team.

Why Consequences Matter

Fair, relevant, and growth-focused consequences maintain accountability and foster professional development. Just like my friend had to stand firm with her daughters, leaders must stand firm when addressing staff behavior.

Whether you’re dealing with late lesson plans, skipped cleaning checklists, or a teenager testing boundaries, accountability is the foundation for meaningful change. And that’s a standard worth standing firm on.

The Bigger Picture

At the end of the day, whether you’re parenting teenagers or leading a team of educators, the goal isn’t to be liked—it’s to guide people toward growth and success. That means standing firm on your rules, even when it’s unpopular. It means balancing support with accountability and being willing to have the hard conversations.

That teenager may not love those essays, and your staff may not always love reflection or consequences. But in both cases, the effort is worth it. Because when you invest in accountability, you’re not just enforcing rules—you’re creating a culture of trust, responsibility, and growth.

And who knows? Maybe one day, your “rebellious teenager” (or staff member) will thank you for it. Until then, stand firm, stay consistent, and keep nurturing the growth of your team—just like my friend is nurturing her daughters’ growth.

If this resonates with you and you’re ready to dive deeper into creating a culture of accountability and growth in your program, join us for our next free webinar, 5 Reasons Your Teaching Team Sucks, Your Turnover is High and Employee Morale is Low (and a few strategies to fix it)!. Together, we’ll unpack the common pitfalls in team dynamics and explore practical strategies to build a stronger, more cohesive staff. Don’t miss this opportunity to elevate your leadership and empower your team to thrive—because the success of your program starts with you. Register now!